Kate Middleton’s Overdramatized ‘Same Length’ Finger News Sparks Internet Jokes



Image via TechnicallyRon

If there’s one way the general public can describe Kate Middleton, it’s probably that she’s always perfectly coiffed. Little did many know that her impeccably polished image also extends to her hands.

The Daily Mail brought up a rather absurd theory last Wednesday, suggesting that the Duchess of Cambridge has fingers of identical lengths.

The tabloid then cushioned the claim with scientific references from the Institute of Cancer Research, who said in an earlier study that women with long index fingers might have higher fertility but are more likely to develop breast cancer.

Per The Cut, the report generally went under the radar until The Daily Mail posed the theory again on Monday—only this time, it was blown out on its front page. The paper also dedicated two whole pages to investigate the issue.

It was only until then that the presumption fell into the internet’s hands. Of course, it also lifted its own fingers to mock the tabloid’s “news priority.”

Have a laugh at some jokes from Twitter. Do you think they nailed it?

“millennials are killing the print news industry”
“TWO PAGES ABOUT KATE’S FINGERS”
“sir maybe we should…”
“TWO. FUCKING. PAGES.” pic.twitter.com/GKLXtVN4MW

— TechnicallyRon (@TechnicallyRon) March 11, 2018

“I’ve got an idea: we could do a thing about the size of Kate’s fingers being all the same size”.
“They aren’t, though”.
“Prove it”.
“I’ve done a box round them and they don’t touch the same line”.
“We shall publish anyway”. pic.twitter.com/cMMDfUs51V

— Stig Abell (@StigAbell) March 12, 2018

News story in UK; on Kate’s fingers length, news priority pic.twitter.com/EY0O7UuicX

— Prabin Bikram (@prabinLFC) March 12, 2018

“WHY ARE KATE’S FINGERS ALL THE SAME LENGTH?” pic.twitter.com/StrJJIUjE5

— Ian McDougall (@IanMcDougall1) March 11, 2018

why does the daily mail have 2 pages on Kate’s fingers who cares pic.twitter.com/vfMBKaEYUo

— Ieah 🍯 (@kogyeoI) March 12, 2018

Actually, if you examine Kate’s fingers close up, they do look the same length. pic.twitter.com/8qVvjfnK14

— Bacardi Oakheart (@Midgetgems26) March 11, 2018

Or, more accurately: WHY ARE 75% OF KATE’S FINGERS A ROUGHLY SIMILAR LENGTH?

I won’t sleep now….. pic.twitter.com/Ft8aI5glXH

— Karl Brophy (@KarlBrophy) March 11, 2018

TODAY: ‘Why are Kate’s fingers all the same length?’ asks the Mail, shortly before proving they’re not. pic.twitter.com/jBwXeVXjAb

— The DM Reporter (@DMReporter) March 12, 2018

Thank god for insights like this, otherwise we’d never have known that Prince Philip had a taste for the finer things in life. pic.twitter.com/uUq8zfgSa9

— Pointless Letters (@pointlesslettrs) March 11, 2018

“Why are Kate’s fingers all the SAME length?”

Next up on The Daily Fail.

“Why are Kate’s nostrils DIFFERENT sizes?”
“Has Kate SECRETLY got 14 toes?”
“Does Kate COMMUNICATE with her eyebrows?”
“Kate HAS knees!”
“Is Kate ACTUALLY an alien?” pic.twitter.com/C5w9a0zRZY

— Amanda (@Pandamoanimum) March 12, 2018

Next week. Knees

— Aaron (@AFlanagan) March 11, 2018

[via The Cut, cover image via TechnicallyRon]

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